This year marks the 30th anniversary of Amy Tan’s 1989 novel, The Joy Luck Club. When I first read it ten years ago as an angsty teen, I saw it as a reading assignment to read to appease my mom, who kept on recommending the book to me. I didn’t want to read a book about a heritage I knew little about (I had read reviews on Joy Luck Club citing spirits and mah-jong, both of which were culturally foreign concepts to me) and honestly, had no interest in exploring (ironic, considering what I write about now).
When I finished Joy Luck Club then, I realized that there were parts of the book that I related a lot to– the complicated mothers and their misunderstood children who want to fit in. I read it again recently and I saw the generational and cultural gap that exists between immigrant mothers and their children as well as the influence that parents have. In college, I sometimes thought I left my keys somewhere, a habit I chalked up to forgetfulness, much to my friends’ chagrin since they usually were the ones helping me find my keys that were usually still in my backpack somewhere. It was during a break when I went home that my mom also does the same thing and I probably picked it up as a habit.
However, many Asian-Americans have a complicated relationship with Joy Luck Club. A simple Google search shows the many articles detailing the love/hate relationship with the book. For many, the book becomes the Chinese-American/Asian-American book taught in schools and in the public sphere. It’s been typified as the quintessential Asian-American book, much to many people’s chagrin.
But there is truth in the idea that many immigrant families know what it means to sacrifice. A college acquaintance of mine posted on her IG stories recently about the idea of “having a job which she enjoys and has a passion for” and how recently she realized what a privilege that was since her mom worked long hours in a job she was ambivalent about to provide that opportunity for her and her sister.
In honor of the 30th anniversary of Joy Luck Club and Mother’s Day, I asked some of my friends about their relationship with their moms and how it’s changed, what it means to be an Asian-American in today’s climate and their favorite dim sum orders.
Meet: Annastasia. She was born and raised in San Francisco and studies engineering.
I believe being Asian American today means being an advocate. We should be advocates for not only for representation, but for diverse Asian American voices to have the power to influence people. Advocating for structural changes in our society that elevates the voices of other minorities should also be part of the Asian American identity. Lastly, particular for Millennials/Gen Z-ers, I think freedom to depart from the “model minority” and embracing our unique selves is crucial.
What’s your relationship with your mom like? Do you feel like it’s changed over the years? What caused the change, if any?
I’m very close with my mom! I always go to her for advice on anything, or just to talk about what we’re doing, or current event or trend we’re intrigued by. My mom was super involved in every aspect of my life growing up, since she is a stay-at-home mom–always researching and keeping up with the latest schools (from preschool through college), extra-curricular activities, health practices, politics, economic policy, etc.
I do think my relationship with my mom has changed over the years. Before college, I definitely did not appreciate how invested and sacrificial my mom is in me and my siblings. She was a first generation college graduate and went to some pretty great schools by today’s standards. However, she ended her career to raise children. Through my challenging yet transformative college experience, I realized how I wouldn’t have been as prepared for it if it hadn’t been for my mom’s commitment to my youth development–the extra-curriculars she encouraged and supported me in, sacrificing her time to drive me to school so I could have more time to study, etc.
What do you think it means to be an Asian-American in today’s climate?
I believe being Asian American today means being an advocate. We should be advocates for not only for representation, but for diverse Asian American voices to have the power to influence people. Advocating for structural changes in our society that elevates the voices of other minorities should also be part of the Asian American identity. Lastly, particular for Millennials/Gen Z-ers, I think freedom to depart from the “model minority” and embracing our unique selves is crucial.
What’s your go-to dim sum order?
I usually order a lot when I do dim-sum take-out with my family–6 Ha gow (shrimp dumplings), 6 siu mai (steamed pork wraps), 6 baked cha siu bao (bbq pork buns), 3 dai gai bow (chicken buns), and 3 gai mei bao (chicken tail buns/coconut buns).
Meet: Rushi, who works in property management and will live in a house this summer for the first time since 2002. He’s also a die-hard lover of Taco-Bell.
Later, when I came to college, it was quite a bit of an adjustment being at school where there were others of my own culture present. I basically had culture shock to my own culture that was prominently displayed in public. It was an unusual and uncomfortable feeling to have my school life and home life mixed. I struggled to understand what my identity was and initially closed myself off from getting to know many amazing people. However, as I pushed myself towards that uncomfortable feeling I learned so much about myself and who I am.
What’s your relationship with your mom like? Do you feel like it’s changed over the years? What caused the change, if any?
I feel like it’s pretty solid and it’s always been that way. Like most other families, we don’t always see eye to eye on a lot, which I definitely feel comes from a difference in upbringing (growing up in the US vs the Indian motherland). During high school and college, we only ever had conversations about academically related topics or about our business. The one way my family would bond was over watching Indian television so I think that helped me connect with them more. However nowadays, I do feel that my mom is a little more okay with having casual conversations, partially because half of the time it’s her nagging me about dating and marriage. Overall, however, I feel like we have a great relationship and I wouldn’t change it for the world (for the most part, haha).
What do you think it means to be an Asian-American in today’s climate?
Ugh, honestly, I have no idea. I grew up in a predominantly Caucasian town so I never saw people in public that were Asian. Home was the only place where I engaged in my culture and I began dividing my Western school life and my Indian home life. Later, when I came to college, it was quite a bit of an adjustment being at school where there were others of my own culture present. I basically had culture shock to my own culture that was prominently displayed in public. It was an unusual and uncomfortable feeling to have my school life and home life mixed. I struggled to understand what my identity was and initially closed myself off from getting to know many amazing people. However, as I pushed myself towards that uncomfortable feeling I learned so much about myself and who I am.
I feel like with more representation in media (as Asians without accents and representations that aren’t so stereotyped), that we just exist. I realize there’s still a lot of underrepresentation in a lot of fields. However, what connects our stories to the greater fabric of American culture is that Asian-Americans are just like any other immigrant group– being American while trying to stay in touch with our culture. I do feel that we’re heading toward a direction of increased acceptance towards Asians. I do realize that this is a huge issue in so many areas, but looking at society overall, I feel like Asian Americans are doing pretty alright, all things considered.
What’s your favorite dim sum order?
Meet: Angela, a pharmacy student and lover of beef jerky.
Over the years we’ve definitely grown closer. Almost paradoxically, this change occurred when I moved away for college. I realized how much I missed her company and really treasured our time together whenever I visited.
What’s your relationship with your mom like? Do you feel like it’s changed over the years? What caused the change, if any?
My mom is my best friend. She’s the first one I turn to for advice, my go-to for telling a funny story, and my biggest cheerleader. I try to call her every day and under the right conditions we can gossip for hours!
Over the years we’ve definitely grown closer. Almost paradoxically, this change occurred when I moved away for college. I realized how much I missed her company and really treasured our time together whenever I visited.
What do you think it means to be an Asian-American in today’s climate?
I’m grateful for the increased visibility of Asian-Americans in today’s media. Growing up, I remember having very limited options for Halloween; I alternated between Mulan, Cho Chang, and Elizabeth Swann’s “Chinese costume” (in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies). I lost track of the number of times I recycled the Cho Chang costume. This past year alone has seen the release of Crazy Rich Asians and The Farewell. It’s still a little surreal to hear celebrities like Gemma Chan or Awkwafina become household names, and it definitely took me time to wrap my mind around seeing people who looked like me as leading characters in movies. Seeing Asian-Americans and Asians represented as a multidimensional population – like having diversity within “diversity” – is extremely encouraging, and I hope this positive trend continues.
What’s your favorite dim sum order?
